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Click the red pdf icon to download a copy.

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ATTENDING MEETINGS

 

Meetings offer an opportunity to identify with other couples grappling with and resolving problems similar to our own. Meetings encourage communication and often bring couples closer together.

 

SHARING AT MEETINGS

 

Being honest and vulnerable in front of our partners can be frightening but it’s worth it. Many of us believe that our relationships recover in direct proportion to our willingness to share.

 

MAKING PHONE CALLS

 

Ask for telephone numbers of people you identify with at meetings. (Some meetings provide a “We Care”list.) Calling other members helps couples break out of isolation and can bring a new perspective to the relationship. The telephone can be especially helpful during a crisis.

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SERVICE

 

We help our relationship by helping others. Some ways are qualifying at meetings, greeting newcomers, setting up meetings, participating in business meetings, sponsoring other couples, service on a committee, attending General Service Board and Intergroup meetings, taking office, etc.

 

CALLING A MORATORIUM

 

Destructive interaction can be stopped by dropping an inflammatory topic for an agreed upon time (15 minutes, an hour, a day) or by detaching from each other for that time. A moratorium is an opportunity to calm down and put the other tools of the program to work.

 

ACTING “AS IF”

 

In a dispute, try going on with whatever activities were previously planned, treating each other with courtesy and respect until the warmth of the relationship resurfaces and the issue can be calmly discussed.

 

CALLING A MEETING-OF-TWO

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Either partner can call a meeting-of-two at any time, anywhere. A formal meeting structure, with no crosstalk or inventory-taking, guarantees being heard, helps us learn to listen, and can bring us a new understanding of our partner.

 

MEETING WITH OTHER COUPLES and MEETINGS-OF-FOUR

 

Interaction with other couples in the program can show us that our problems are not unique. Such meetings (formally structured or otherwise) can be beneficial in times of conflict and can help us break out of isolation.

 

SPONSORSHIP and CO-SPONSORSHIP

 

Many of us asked another couple to be our sponsor couple, one of the primary forms of support offered by the program. Others of us found it more convenient to ask another couple to co-sponsor with us. In either case, we met with them regularly to discuss our relationship in more depth, to work the Steps and learn to use the Tools, and to receive the benefit of their experience, strength, and hope. This commitment with another couple strengthened our commitment to each other and our connection to the program.

 

WORKING THE STEPS

 

The Twelve Steps are the foundation of our program and the path to recovery. Using the principles that restore individual lives to sanity can do the same for our relationship.

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PRAYER and MEDITATION

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Prayer and meditation can deepen our trust and faith in our partner, as together we work on spiritual solutions to difficult problems. Practicing this tool, both individually and as a couple, ever reminds us that our relationship is in the care of a Power greater than ourselves.

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LITERATURE and SLOGANS

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Even when other tools are not easily accessible, we can always pick up Chapter 9's literature.  Our literature provides a comprehensive overview of "how it works" along with stories in which members share their experience before and after coming to Chapter 9.  The literature can help us get up to speed on the basics or dive deeper into particular topics, including sober communication, sponsorship, and the Steps.

 

The slogans compress the literature's wisdom into easily workable ideas: simple solutions for complicated people.  Some that have proven especially helpful are:

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• We are allies

• How important is it?

• Let go and let God

• Agree to disagree

• Affirm my partner

• Learn to listen

• Keep the focus on myself

• One day at a time

• Live and let live

• Courtesy, communication, commitment

• We can start the day over at any time