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Recovery - back to top
Recovery - Characteristics of the sick and recovering relationship.
Updated 11.20.23

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1. We lived as enemies and were constantly at war.

2. We lived in fear, trying to control our relationship.

3. We tried to fix our partner or expected our

partner to fix us.

4. We tore down or denied our partner.

5. We had to have the last word.

6. We held our partner or our circumstances responsible for our happiness or unhappiness.

7. We swung between high arrogance and low 


8. We couldn't allow our differences to exist.

9. We were unwilling to give our partner and relationship a chance.

10. We communicated, if at all, in indirect and

negative ways.

11. We lost our perspective and lived in despair.

12. We were unable to live in the present, and

crippled our relationship with projections about

the future, or anger about the past.


1. We learn that we are allies.

2. We rely on a Higher Power and have faith.

3. We learn to express our feelings without expectations. We learn that our partner does not have to fix us.

4. We learn to affirm our partner.

5. We learn to listen, to hear what is really being said.

6. We keep the focus on ourselves.

7. We learn humility.

8. We sometimes agree to disagree.

9. We learn to be patient and trust the process.

10. We learn to communicate with trust, openness, and love.

11. We regain our sense of humor.

12. We commit ourselves to our relationship one day at a time.

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